Kate's Blog

New Blog

2005-09-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

Am quitting this blog and have a new one now...
TheNewAdventuresOfKate.blogspot.com

Welcome to my world

2005-05-25T13:37:00.000-07:00

Had such a surreal day. At 8am was already (literally) up to my elbows in someone else's poo. By 1pm I was sat in the boot of a people-carrier explaining to my work colleague Sammy who Gracie Fields was (a VERY 'Dinnerladies' moment: she was big in the 40s..."what, her from Rear Window?"...er...no that's Grace Kelly..."what matthew kelly's got a wife?"...) By 3pm I was negotiating wheel-chair-users through 1200 OAPs on the way to the Wycombe Swan toilets whilst waxing lyrical on the talents of a ukulele-player called Andy Eastwood. (How do you spell ukulele?- like this? should've just written BANJO) -actually-
TIME OUT. Before you start mocking me- this guy was proper amazing. Trad-Camp as doing George Fornby impressions may be (he is apparently the No.1 attraction at Blackpool this summer), find me a guitarist with half the skill of this guy and I will happily wear a big badge saying LOSER for enjoying his act so much. But you won't find one. And you'll never know anyway because none of you saw him, and unless you go to Blackpool this Summer you probably never will. He was so good that for 3 songs I watched his fingers like a hawk trying to spot a mistake and prove he was dubbed. But no, he turns out to be the UK's Number 1 (well probably, if we're honest, only) ukulele virtuoso. So there. If you would like to join my new banjo-love-in, go to his website (www.andyeastwood.com) you will genuinely never have seen anyone so passionate about the ukulele.
TOMORROW, I am watching my best friend Rob don luminous blue leggins and try and Fosse-dance (or frankly just stay on his feet) in a snake-costume that doesn't fit him in a totally off-the-wall musical about the Garden Of Eden directed by the same ex-Broadway-hoofer that cast me as a 49- year-old-nanny-turned-pirate not so long ago. I'd hate to think life was going to get any stranger...
ps. Jude&Michael- Apparently it is an am-dram group of ex-pats in Uganda who were so desperately in need of my copy of South Pacific. Funny, when my mum said that it sounded less random...

Natural Morality

2005-05-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

Doing my rounds at the flats tonight, I caught a bit of a nature programme about the desert. It was totally baffling how many different creatures managed to survive in that bleak, thirsty environment. Perhaps that's some kind of profound metaphor. Perhaps not.

There were also these massive white spiders: the male would travel up to 2 kilometers across the sands to find a mate, then tap out a specific rhythm on the ground with its legs to signal to the female that he was ready to mate. If he got the rhythm right, she'd understand and they'd have little spidery babies together. (yeuch). In the case captured on the film, he unfortunately forgot the rhythm of "Born to Breed" and mistakenly tapped out "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", at which she promptly jumped out of the sand and ate him.

SuffraWHAT'S????

2005-05-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

WE NEED MORE INTEREST, STUDY AND EDUCATION INTO THE HISTORY OF WOMEN
Don't believe me? First of all, on my first day of rehearsals for Ann Veronica, a boy in the ensemble held up his script and asked me what was meant by the term "suffrablooodeegetties"-
"No" I responded, "that says Suffra-bloody-gettes. It's suffragettes, with the word 'bloody' in the middle." "Oh." [2 minutes pass] "What is... suffragette?" [My face. Shock.]
Nobody in my cast knew what a suffragist was or in fact that the suffragettes were not the only women's group at the time campaigning for the vote. Or when women got the vote. Or why.
Last week on tour with Flan & Co. I was asked by a band-member that shall remain nameless if I'd had to burn my bra on stage. Several boys took a great deal of convincing that the suffragettes did not burn their bras- or indeed own bras, and seemed quite perplexed that there could have been two seperate occasions on which women asked for anything in the socio-political arena.
Anita Roddick, in a radio interview last month, commented that women's history is the least studied history of any people-group- and its OVER 50% of us!!! Realise how much I sound like a raving fembop right now but shouldn't we take the heritage of our own emancipation seriously?

Stories from today at the flats...

2005-05-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

Fishing for poo: A lovely little lady, who I have a big soft spot for, left me a series of little surprises today around the communal bathroom. A couple on the floor and three in the bath water; culmunating in a comedy scene involving both said lady and I, both giggling, each with a plastic jug in hand, chasing spherical little poos around in the water.
The E.R. eye-pop: Following THAT episode of ER there seems to have been mucho discussion amongst us all about eyeballs coming right out of their sockets... Chatting to an amazing 94 year-old lady today I remarked that she seemed to have had a lot of operations.
Her: "Oh I've had my gall-bladder done, my guts, this part of my arm is artificial because I sliced it off on the radiator, I've had my eye-balls out and new retinas sewn in..."
Me: "Really? They took them out?"
Her: "Oh yes. They wanted to put me to sleep but I wasn't having that-I wanted to know what was going on."
Me: "You were awake?!? Weren't you scared?"
Her: "No no- I'd waited a year for that operation, I was glad. They took one out at a time, rested it on your cheek-bone. [Deadpan] You wasn't to sneeze or nothing like that, that've been the death of you. The nurse said to squeeze her hand if I wanted the machine to stop, but I thought 'what'd I want it to stop for? It'd only have to start again...' "
Me: "Blimey. You haven't half been through the wars poppet"
Her: "They thought I was dead once. Then I woke up."
The parable of the residential home: The same 94 year old lady was chatting about a friend she made 4 years ago when recovering in a residential home for a summer after fracturing her pelvis. She had been put in a respite room with a 96 year old lady called Elsie who had shattered her hip-bone and was awaiting a replacement. Elsie, who, my friend insists was a wonderful lady ("a much better person than me" she said), could barely move from her bed, so my friend would put everything within her reach, cover her with a shawl when it got cold and everyday wash her hands and face for her. Every night, when she heard Elsie stir, she'd get out of bed, make her way across the room and see what she could do for Elsie to make her more comfortable. A 90 year old lady with a fractured pelvis thought nothing of her own pain, tiredness or discomfort, but served her elder-of-6-years all summer. Elsie sent her several letters in the following years, all incomprehensibly illegible, all treasured by my friend in her wooden chest of precious things.

Shut up Trevor

2005-05-17T02:07:00.000-07:00

Surely Trevor MacDonald is creating a "phenomenon" out of "Happy Slapping" by calling it one? I'm quite sure something as senseless as hitting a stranger around the head and taking a picture would get boring for any young person after a few attempts, and the mass majority of young people probably hadn't heard of it and wouldn't try it anyway- right up until the moment, that is, when parents everywhere turn to their teenagers and say "Have you ever done this 'Happy Slapping?' It's terrible- I saw it on Trevor MacDonald-apparently all the kids you're age are into it- don't you ever do it..."
I realise my hypocrisy in discussing the argument that we shouldn't publicly discuss stuff like this- but I figure since only about 5 people read my blog, none of whom are parents or teenagers, I'll probably not affect the trend too much...
I also have one more thought- It'd be interesting to know whether the so-called "Normans" that get whacked in this craze, are ever or often women. I would hazard a guess that the majority of "Happy Slappers" are probably boys, as this seems like a very 'boy' prank, and girls in puberty don't tend to be liking the contact thing so much. It would comfort me if there was still instilled somewhere within the psyche of young guys an understanding that hitting women is wrong.
P.S. It was the Daily Telegraph that started all this, but has anyone else noticed some really shoddy reporting on ITV lately? Use of inappropriate words for shock-value, etc.... Might boycott it- don't like the colour of their studio anyway...

Anyone got a catapult?

2005-05-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

I am sat in the lounge, watching my parents out at the canal-side devising a plan for the best way to chase a squirrel off our roof. My mum is barking out instructions like "Get a catapult!" and my Dad is saying deadpan "I'm afraid I don't have time to go and buy one. An airgun'd do it but I don't have one of those either..." My dog who had been enlisted in the campaign, refuses to bark and wanders back inside to get out of the rain.
Eventually they give up, and my mum, making her way back up to her bedroom-come-revision-lab mumbles to herself "How am I supposed to concentrate on President Mugabe when there's a squirrel doing a dance above my head?" A question I can quite honestly say that in my life has never yet required an answer.

Finbar

2005-05-10T15:52:00.000-07:00

I have a car.
He is called Finbar.
He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
That does not rhyme but it is true.

oh yes... TV

2005-05-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

1. i missed desperate housewives last week. ah! what have i missed??
2. i did however see the OC and PLEASE PLEASE tell me someone else was watching for the classic spiderman-kiss moment! How hilarious was that? Emma was saying to me "Seth's gonna get hurt-he's gonna fall off that roof and be in a coma or something" and I was like "No-wait for it- there's a comedy conclusion to this- I can feel it..." (Also, are we all assuming that the exit of Lindsay on top of Marissa's progressing boredom with her live-in-lesbian-lifestyle is leading the way for another good old fashioned Marissa-Ryan Romance?)
3. has anyone else noticed that my favourite three shows are now sharing their actors?: Toby's wife (WW) is Lindsay's Mum (OC) / Rex (DH) is Jeff Haffley the House Speaker (WW) : Are these 20 odd people the only Americans who can act? Or do they have some kind of exchange scheme...

Apologies

2005-05-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

These go to Rachel, Liz and all my other adoring site-fans who have clearly been crying themselves to sleep in my absence. You make a good point- no-one can do laundry for 3 weeks...
I have spent the last fortnight in rehearsal and performance of the women's lib cheese-fest Ann Veronica in London, and have divided my free-time between cast pub-sessions (absolutely necessary for company-bonding and character-interaction) and WW5 (erm..i just felt that my Agnes the suffragette, despite not actually having any lines persay, had nuances of CJ's hard-nosed feminist political player about her, and this sort of research just had to be done if I was to deliver more than a bland "musical theatre" (aka: tits and teeth) ensemble performance. )
Actually no lines is a lie. I had two:
1. (as un-named "landlady". Spoken.): "Sorry duckie, we don't let rooms to unaccompanied females."
2. (as Agnes the suffragette at the church picnic. Sung.): "But what's the use of a picnic in the glade, when only the table-cloth gets laid?"
So I'm betting you're all really sorry you missed that.
No seriously, it was actually a lot of fun, and the show was sold out all week. It had a lot of great ensemble songs in it and was a lot of fun to perform. You know me- what could be more fun than marching around a stage with a placard that says VOTES FOR WOMEN singing THEY CAN'T KEEP US DOWN ANYMORE. I also got to play the spoons, be groped by a GENUINE straight boy and faint! Actually, I managed to sustain a bonafide theatrical war-wound from the faint one night..I came off stage and realised the elbow area of my long-sleeved shirt was covered in blood- as I'd hit the ground it had taken off a scab that was already there from stage-faint-related-carpet-burn so I had to go back on stage and sing a whole number splattered in blood. Hee hee.
David Croft, Mr. I-wrote-every-successful-20th Century-British-sitcom-there-was, came and watched 4 or 5 times and was adorable and encouraging to us all. On sunday they interviewed him and Ian Lavender (Dad's Army/Derek in Eastenders/he was in the original cast of Ann V.) about the show and then our post-show party was full of theatrical royalty and the stars of D.Army/A.Y.Being Served/Hi-Di-Hi/etc all of whom were delights to chat to.
Hurray for cutie old luvvies.

News News News

2005-04-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

Well I've just got back from the whole Caribbean schabang, and like Jude I am incapable of communication until i get my laundry/jobs/life under control... So look forward to lots of stories and who knows maybe even a picture or two if i ever work out how to do clever stuff like that... (I have a dead cute pic of me kissing a dolphin, not to mention me and Mickey Mouse hanging out on deck...I actually kid you not)
But before I sign off I have good news-
The show I auditioned for the week before I left have offered me ensemble, and I've taken it. It's expenses only and only a couple of weeks work (25th April-4th May rehearsals, 4th-8th Run), but it will be SO lovely getting back in the rehearsal room I'm really looking forward to it. Anyway, it's called Ann Veronica, part of the Forgotten British Musicals series at the Theatre Museum in Covent Garden. It's based on an HG Wells book about suffragettes and its written by that guy that wrote Dad's Army, Hi-di-Hi, Allo Allo, Are you Being Served, etc. Best bit is- my lovely lovely monkey Alan is also in the ensemble! Hooray we're going to have SO MUCH FUN!!!
anyway love you and leave you for now
ps. hello ben bell nice to hear from you!

This week on Desperate Housewives

2005-03-30T15:19:00.000-08:00

Wow. I should NOT watch this show home alone after 3 glasses of wine anymore. No Siree Bob.
That was CREEPY- especially the scene in the diner with pharmacist-stalker-guy and the scene where the dad was tightening his son's tie. ooooochy mama.
WHAT THE FLIP IS THE SECRET ABOUT DANA???
blimey ainsley hayes from the west wing gets everywhere now- not only did we see her on CSI but now i look up and see her in crappy David Schwimmer flick Breast Men. Nope, that's beside the point...where was I...
On the week that TV tripe Footballers Wives returns to our screens, making my best friend Rob a very happy bunny, I would like to say that Desperate Housewives is a superb piece of small screen writing. Bravo. It would be my fav show if i didn't fancy Ben McKenzie. Nuff said.

Hitch

2005-03-30T10:14:00.000-08:00

First of all. Don't. Just don't do it.
Not romantic enough to be a chickflick, not slapstick enough to be a Farrelly-brothers rip off, not self-aware enough to be the parody/pastiche to romcoms that scream was to horror, not even consistently gushy enough to be channel 5 Afternoon Movie: Hitch does not know what it is, and I don't want to know.
Abysmal.

Bernstein's "On The Town"

2005-03-28T11:09:00.001-08:00

Saw this at the Coliseum on Saturday night. It was magical and wonderful. The choreography was enchanting (and there's a lot of it-muchet ballet), and the direction and design (in fact all aspects of production) were perfectly synchronised. Highlights were the always wonderful Caroline O Connor's smashing rendition of I Can Cook Too whilst preparing a meal resulting in a sort of cross between Miss Adelaide at the Hot Box and Blue Peter-in-the-kitchen (GSA'ers: why on earth did Gerry tell me to stand still when I sang it?!), and a couple of cracking numbers that I don't remember from the original film. Oz's very beautiful Adam Garcia was accompanied by an American and a Canadian, all three extremely talented actors and dancers with beautiful voices, and in sailor suits to boot. (Although since Caroline O Connor must be twice Adam Garcia's age I was quite pleased to be sat far from the stage when they were kissing.) The ballerina actress playing Ivy, (yes folks, it turns out there's more than one Josephina Gabrielle) was also an inspiration. Tickets for the Coliseum are expensive, (a stalls seat can set you back £80), but a trip to the gods is well worth it when so much formation dance and beautiful music are on offer.

Forget is not the same as Forgive

2005-03-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

I think I'm pretty laid back- it's hard to find my goat, let alone 'get' it. I rarely struggle with forgiveness because I rarely notice that I've been wronged and even then am usually fairly happy to accept that it was unintentional. But perhaps I've become a bit proud of my long fuse...
This week a situation that I had long since forgotten about involving a person I hadn't seen for a long time bubbled back into my conciousness. On thinking about this person's previous actions, I realised I had not forgiven them.
New found test to see if I have forgiven someone:
a) Does said person's happiness bring me happiness?
b)Does said person's misery bring me happiness?
If have to think long and hard about either of these questions, I haven't forgiven them yet!
As a well-versed former member of the Warner-youth-programme ;-) I of course know that the best way to forgive is to "see that person through God's eyes" and that the only way to do that is to pray for them. So I have begun praying for the person.
I guess my thought for the day though, is- How many other people are there who are banished to my sub-conscious: never forgiven, just forgotten about. I think I better start asking God to bring them out of hiding and show me how to be a truly pure white blank sheet of paper, with no bitterness or resentment-someone that is always absolutely prepared, in top shape, on the starting blocks, ready and eager to love unconditionally and without hesitation, not just 'new' people and 'nice' people but old hurts too.

The Mystery of Desperate Housewives' Plot

2005-03-23T14:59:00.000-08:00

Here's what I think is going on....

I reckon that the Dana-baby-murder is a red herring...and that Dana grew up into the girl we saw in the photograph this episode. She was adopted for some reason (possibly because she was illigitimate?? or possibly because something bloody and nasty DID happen the night that Zach remembers?-maybe it wasn't Dana's blood he saw??) anyway- she was adopted by the guy we were introduced to this episode who's obviously her father-figure and then as an adult was in a relationship with Mike. Then she got murdered, presumably by her biological parents Mary-Alice and/or Paul , possibly for carrying a dark family secret(?). So her 'father' and Mike sought vengence by killing Mary-Alice. Which would make Mary-Alice's suicide actually a murder. Oh hang on, i think we know that she definately DID commit suicide because her ghostly voiceover told us. Bum. But we now know that Mike has already killed out of vengence for the murder of the girl in the photograph who may or may not be Dana... So if not Mary-Alice, who on EARTH has Mike already killed??

Yeah OK - speculation gets you nowhere...
Clearly I should just find the patience to wait til next week...

Hotel Rwanda

2005-03-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

Go see it.
Everyone should watch this film.

Anxious

2005-03-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

I am anxious.

I can always tell when I'm anxious because I find myself lying in bed:
a) Unable to sleep
and
b) Involuntarily imagining spiders crawling all over my face.

There was a few years where the spiders were needles, but these days I have returned to my irrational primal fear.
So what am I anxious about? In search of clues, I recall the night's sleeping dream, in which I was at the airport but had forgotten my suitcase, resulting in both my friend and I missing our plane. This is not deep symbolism-holiday catastrophies had been on my mind: I had spent the previous evening booking hotels for my holiday and my mum had mistakenly booked one on the wrong side of the USA.
I try writing a list of all the things that occasionally stress me out:
-Performances
-Career
-Money
I cross off Performances. Performance anxiety (or stage fright), which crippled me for a term at drama school, does not make me see spiders or injections. I just lie in bed going over and over a song or scene in my head. And whilst developing coping/relaxation techniques (such as raisin-concentration: I can now eat a single raisin for 16 mins.) DOES help towards "losing yourself" rather than critiquing yourself in a peformance, no strategy or discipline ever defeated the sleepness nights. In the end the only cure for stage fright is persistant performance.
My career (or lack of) status has remained unchanged since January, and it is a bit late for me to start worriedly mourning the absence of money after 5 years of debt...
So what's going on?
Maybe I need a theme song - like Tracy Ullman famously advised Ally McBeal. Any suggestions?

Wooden

2005-03-15T06:14:00.000-08:00

My current lack of creative employment starting to get me down, I had been eagerly awaiting the arrival of a DVD recording of my recent principal boy effort.
I was therefore a little perturbed to view NOT the glowing performance of the opening number that I remembered (or imagined?), but an insecure, underplayed and yes, wooden display.
Was the DVD recorded before I found my feet? Were my family and friends lying when they said I was good? Is it simply impossible to capture the subtle nuances of characterisation or dynamism of stage presence that my Aladdin delivered on the small screen? Hmmm...
Well whatever the reason- I must accept the criticism that I've spent a lifetime lauding over others. And whilst the stinging realisation that I can be BAD is humbling; it also makes me feel quite grown up...Perhaps this is my tripe of passage.

Mickey is calling....

2005-03-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Well, after a day of Food Hygiene Training (what have I learnt about food hygiene?-That there is NOTHING fun about food hygiene), I am very excited to announce that I am now officially all booked up and ready to fly to Orlando on the 1st April. There I will be boarding the 'Disney Magic' cruise liner and cruising the Caribbean for a week with my good friend Nicola who is on the ship's entertainment team. I am tres jammy as I am only paying for my flight and the $6 a day all-you-can-eat food, but get board and excursions free of charge. What's more, due to a problem with flights I have to stay in Orlando an extra 2 nights before coming home, so I will just have to try to keep myself amused at the Magic Kingdom. Shame.

No wonder I get lost in Luton!

2005-03-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

Did personality tests at site Jude sent me to. It turns out my brain is 85% right-side dominant!Apparently...
Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.
Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively
Am a little concerned about what the left side of my brain is doing during the 85% of the day when I'm not using it. Is it asleep? Is it having a curry? Has it gone abroad for some warmer weather? Will I ever see it again. Oh well, on the plus side I can now forever use this as my excuse when I'm lost in my car, forgetful, messy or inarticulate.

Tests also said I am: messy, disorganized, extremely trusting, open-minded, extremely adventurous, impulsive, sympathetic, enthusiastic, assertive, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, extremely imaginative, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture, overly talkative, extremely artistic, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment,very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Likes to make fun of people? Do I? Sorry guys!!!! Most of this is SO right its creepy.

Joke tests:
If I was a movie character I would be: the godfather
You are all about power and control, living by the mafia code.
So you'd better all watch out and be nice to me
If I were a historical leader I would be: a mild-mannered assassination victim. You are Abe Lincoln. You have a peaceful nature and are good at mediating disputes with the exception of the occasional bloody civil war.
hee hee
Hmmm...

KATE'S WEEKLY STATS

2005-03-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

Chocolate hobnobs consumed: 20 (bad)
Parents in Africa: 1
Family-members going abroad this month: 4 (to 4 different continents!!)
Estimated hrs of TV-watching: 49 (v. bad)
No. people's poo I've had direct contact with: 3
Updated Desperate Housewives body count: 5
Miserable moods: 2
Single friends seen/spoken to: 13
Married friends seen/spoken to: 3 (i think i should point out this is above monthly average)
Calls from agent: 0
Interesting thoughts: 4
No.Times fallen in love with Jamie Oliver during 'Jamie's School Dinners': 4
Scary death dreams: 1
Times bored at work: 1. Now.
Times I was right and Rob was wrong: 1
Times Rob was right and I was wrong: 0
New Vileda Super-Mocia mops: 1 (i think i'm in love with a mop)
Total money spent on cleaning products: £22 (yeah but how clean is my bathroom)
Friends' birthdays forgotten: 3 (not gd.)
OC characters who've managed to remain geneologically un-related to any other character: 3

What is NOT to love about this show?

2005-03-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

At the end of an absolute corker of an episode of the OC, that included not only the joys of Christmakah but also the exposure of Caleb's secret: that Lindsay is his illigitimate love-child: in a dramatic confrontation at the Cohen house which all 10 main characters witnessed (Seth: "Good job our kitchen is roomy.") Which means (and here's the great part).....

Ryan is dating his adopted mum's sister, while his adopted brother Seth is now his girlfriend Lindsay's half-nephew
Marissa's ex-boyfriend is now the adopted nephew of her mother's step-daughter
Kirsten is both Ryan's adopted mum and his girlfriend's half-sister
Julie is Kirsten and Lindsay's step-mum and Ryan and Seth's step-gran by current husband Caleb, and Marissa's biological mum by her ex-husband and current lover.

Such a great episode I did the dance for the end credits as WELL as the theme song.

Eastenders is a bit crap really isn't it

2005-03-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

And I'm kidding myself to think otherwise.

The Rex Cinema

2005-03-01T15:14:00.000-08:00

HOW excited am I right now?? Have just discovered (while scooting around tinternet) that just down the road from me in Berkhamsted there's a beautiful one-screen 350-seater art-deco cinema that's recently been lovingly-restored from ruin by a film-enthusiast with the support of lovely villagers! It looks amazing. Not ONLY that but said film enthusiast is clearly a wonderful man with exemplary taste: the listings are WONDERFUL- and incredibly a total mix of the brand new (eg. Aviator/Life Aquatic) and the golden age (eg. Some Like it Hot-WOW!). Cannot believe my luck. Planning visits already...Perhaps a trip to see the unsurpassable James Stewart in 'The Philadelphia Story' on Sunday afternoon- anyone wanna?

TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE

2005-03-01T04:46:00.000-08:00

Jude, Michael and I spent the wee hours of this morning discussing the dating phenomenon. Here are some conclusions that I made from the debate:

"Dating" is, in effect both culturally American and cosmopolitan. It is neither part of British national or regional culture, and therefore all discussion herein is probably obsolete. UNLESS any of us do move to London (or better still, New York) and live an executive "Sex and the City" lifestyle, in which case we will helpfully find ourselves highly opinionated on this topic.
Being highly opinionated on the topic of "dating", or relationships come to think of it, does in no way help you in the field of "dating" or relationships.
Having an opinion on the rest of the world's "dating"/relationship problems does, however, allow you to feel comforted/superior about the fact that you are neither "dating" nor in a relationship.
All Singletons that live in areas that fall under the '2005-As-Specified-by-Kate-Legalized-Dating-Zones' (i.e. the entirity of North America and big cosmopolitan cities outside the US like London), must follow the codes and practices of the Dating Zones to ensure effective non-verbal communication with the opposite sex- For example: Expect that a "date" means very little (as Jude pointed out this will only be a struggle for girls) - it may not lead to a second date and does not mean that a guy is definately interested in "going out" long-term. All parties have the right to suspend all communication with "date" after said "date" for any unspecicified reason with little or no explanation at any time.
All Singletons that live outside the areas that fall under the '2005-As-Specified-by-Kate-Legalized-Dating-Zones' (eg. us) must follow a separate set of cultural-social-guidelines. These include: At a pre-relationship level, the male will have two options: either to just immediately show the female he has feelings for her (a verbal confession or kiss will do it) OR to ask her out somewhere where they can spend time alone getting to know each other. [NB>The inability at this point to use the term "date" or "dating" in these zones: Replace with "go out to..." , "go out with" or "going out". This will, inevitably, lead to confusion, as the term "going out" has multiple meanings.] At this point the girl has to become detective and deduce whether the invitation has romantic or platonic suggestion behind it. She must then make her decision on whether to attend based on this deduction, and if she is not interested in said male, find an excuse to either not go or go along with a babble of girlfriends. This will probably lead to further confusion- whilst girls are relatively good detectives (her hunch on his intentions were probably correct), boys are not... and her excuses will probably not deter him from further efforts. In contrast to those "dating" within the Zones, it is UNACCEPTABLE for these Singletons to cut off communication without explanation at any point. This is chiefly because such is the muddy nature of this communication-system that whilst one party may see themselves as flippantly experimenting with a platonic friend as to the nature of their relationship, the other party is all too likely to be under the belief that they are soul-mates finally brought together and soon to be married. So, as Jude puts it, "finishing well" is essential.
"Dating" and "Going out" can be both mutually benefial or mutually destructive and should be handled with caution. Here endeth my lesson.

New Vocab for the Truly Trendy

2005-02-28T12:17:00.000-08:00

Like the total geek that I am, I have been on the ED website (Stuckeyville.com) and found some great new vocab from the classic US TV comedy that sadly as yet has not been released on DVD due to legal reasons. Here are my favourites:

a Chooch: A favor; eg. “I need to ask you for a chooch”
Dunch: Late lunch/early dinner term
Flabbety Schmoove: Sex
Glomming: What couples do once married; when there is no longer a "me" and a "you" only “we”
Depickled/depicklized: Getting one's self out of a jam
Schlabotabooties: Cash
Scroodling: To mess with someone's head
a Wowser: a Good Idea.

California Here We...DANCE!

2005-02-27T09:43:00.000-08:00

I have a special OC dance I do when the theme tune comes on: it basically just involves playing air guitar and pointing a lot...it really does improve your viewing pleasure and make the anticipation of beautiful Ben Mackenzie in THAT white vest all the greater. Jeh-n-loois I know you're with me. I would like to make this a worldwide phenomenon: so hopefully one day, everyone everywhere will do the dance as soon as they hear: "California here we come..."
Please join me- I will let you know how far the dance travels...

I AM NEITHER HIP NOR HOP

2005-02-23T15:58:00.000-08:00

Ah, Fran, your immortal words rang in my ears yesterday as the "Intermediate Jazz" class I attended at Pineapple turned out to be a street-hip-hop-type-extravaganza taught by a girl in VERY baggy trousers with dangerously long blood red hair extensions called "Ali-Kitten." To my credit, I feel comforted by the fact that I looked significantly less ridiculous at the end of the class than I did at the start. And my new friend Ali-Kitten said I brought a really good "vibe" into her class. Actually I really enjoyed it. Except the break-dancing which gave me bruises.
And today I can't walk.

Desperate Housewives

2005-02-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

Anyone watching this?
This week's episode was every bit as funny and dark as Six Feet Under. Here are my Best Bits:
- hilarious slapstick as Susan (Teri Hatcher), snooping around a neighbour's house, fell through the ceiling, got stuck, and with torso in the attic and legs in the kitchen yelled to the neighbour's dog for help "Bongo! I'm upstairs!...sort of." (Bongo comes upstairs. She holds onto one side of a towel and tries to coax the dog into pulling the other side of it, but to no avail...Bongo instead wanders over to the toilet and starts drinking from it.) "Some help you are- Lassy would've got a fire-truck by now."
- All the eerie secrets: who's the new neighbour that Susan's dating? And why does he have stacks of cash, a gun and photos of people in the neighbourhood up on his wall?? And what was the secret that Mary-Alice (nothing but a ghostly voice-over from episode 1) killed herself to protect? We know it involves a secret baby, but how did Martha Huber, her now murdered greedy blackmailing neighbour know about it? Westeeria Lane now has three, possibly four suspicious, un-investigated deaths, and it’s only half way through the series.…
-On top of all that there was a genuinely touching moment between the 3 moms after Lynette, having become dependent on taking her 4 kids' ADHD pills, had a sleep-deprivation-induced breakdown. Finding her sat alone on a football field, this prompted the other mothers to confess their own parental failures for the first time to each other, at which Lynette broke down crying: "Why didn't you tell me this before?" /"Does it help?"/ "It helps."
- But here’s my favourite DH quote so far this series. Lynette, speaking to her hellish babble of kids: “I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Alright, are you willing to risk that?”

Watching Parkinson

2005-02-19T15:00:00.000-08:00

Parky was just chatting to Twiggy about life. He said "I didn't know what I was doing until I was 60." Well that gives me 36 years- hurrah. Love Parky.

Twiggy, on the other hand, just said: "The Americans have been so good to me. They let me play on Broadway. I would never have been allowed to do that here." Classic.

the creek is dead

2005-02-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

Fav. purchase of this week:
DAWSON'S CREEK; THE SEASON FINALE on DVD
(The never-before-seen-extended-directors-cut no-less!!)

Second time round, I was STILL bawling my eyes out- my parents were also blubbing- this is the saddest thing EVER... and not just because the creek (+therefore my adolesence) is dead.

my life

2005-02-18T11:05:00.000-08:00

do you ever sit down with a glass of wine and decide your life is weird?
Some reasons why my life is weird:
-Every day I get to work and have completely non-sensical conversations with dementia-sufferers (eg. at 9am this morning I offered a lady breakfast and she assured me it was bed time; i then found an old gentleman in the corridor who wanted me to tell him which door led to the bar!)
-my gay dog has turned out to be a wife beater (yes, today he attacked Toby, his premiscuous dalmatian bed partner) - I may write to Ryan from the OC and ask if Dom can have 1 of his vests
- my mum was dancing round the house today shouting proudly that her boobs are not droopy yet
-my new hobby: knitting a scarf, has become like The NeverEnding Story but without the labrador-dragon-thing (actually my life would be a whole lot weirder WITH the dog-dragon, ...incidently- have you ever noticed how the dog-dragon in The Never Ending Story 2 is played by an entirely different puppet?? How many dog dragon actors ARE there? Was the original dog-dragon fired over a wage dispute? Or because he was on the drink?)
-I have been volunteered to sing at a village fundraiser with Barry, the man that walks the dogs (I am envisaging a Dibley-type affair: me+ a band of big-bearded ukelele-players)
-I want to be whole-heartedly to be thin, fit and healthy, but at the exact same time I have a passionate desire to find every food item in the house with a fat content of 40% plus and gorge my face with it until I can't move. Ever again.
-I think I am having a serious co-dependent relationship............. with my television.
-I now feel so attached to Eric, the dead spider on my bathroom floor, I can't bring myself to remove him. (When I use my hairdryer, his little legs get blown around in the hot air, and it looks like he's dancing...ah, sick or funny...such a fine fine line...)